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Microsoft Windows 98 or
The Rime of the Ancient Programmer
As I sat at my desk one night,
I noticed a difference slight
In my computer, as it sat humming
its tone of superiority unbecoming.
As I sat dazed by its arrogance
the monitor got up and began to dance
"Hey now!", I sat up straight,
"I’m working on vital
things this late!"
"Sure you are," it said in evil tone,
"And, poor baby, you’re
all alone!
Because of this, I have chose
to taunt you until the door you close
and run far, far away,
in recognition that computers rule the day!"
"How now? Oh really?", says I,
"Oh yes, now sit and cry
As I pull the strings
and start to crash important things
There goes your work, there goes your code!
As I change the operating
mode!"
"Stop! I worked on that, meticulous,
now halt this behavior ridiculous!"
"Before your next exhortation,
I’ll laugh at your situation!
HA! HA! HA! In front of your next breath,
I’ll flash you the blue
screen of death!"
With that the monitor settled down,
much like my lips in their frown.
My cords vocal caused air to curse
(my lack of coffee made it worse)
"DAMN YOU GATES!! DAMN YOU BILL!"
then I started with a chill.
As I stared out sidelong,
at the PC, starting with a song.
But this time it sat there as the norm,
so I started my work again on
form.
Thinking thoughts of Microsoft
Thinking of killing them off
Smiling as my work was done
I started the printer for its run
I then noticed ink in a puddle
Spreading, my notes began to muddle
I stared with malignant looks
at the monitor sitting on my books
And it sat there grinning
the hard disk began its spinning
It began to laugh, and to giggle
so hard that it began to wiggle
Again, it was being snobbish,
and I thought it was quite oddish,
as I held in my hand a baseball bat
to smash it up and let that be that
"WAIT!" it yelled, and my bat was drawn up short
"Do this, and you’ll
have to deal with my cohort!
Carry on with this attack,
and you’ll have to work upon a MAC!"
At this proclamation I did shudder
the flame of anger, it did sputter.
The PC stared with glinting eyes,
believing I fell for its lies.
And it began to laugh, as the bat did swing
down towards its head, the
evil thing
But it was amazed as the bat, like a sword,
swung past its head and ripped
out the cord.
As it sat there without power,
I contemplated with a glower
Half a brain I would lack
if ever I’d work upon a MAC
I thought and thought and then at dawn
I brought it to a shop of Pawn.
with the money came a future brighter,
as I sat down at my new typewriter