It was required of me to help this country. The government entered a sacred trust with me, it said “Son, we need you to do this for us. We need your specific help.”

My response, like any good citizen, was to say “Ok, buddy.” Uncle Sam himself beamed at me as I took hold of the means with which to help the country in these dark times. He gave me a check for $300 and told me to stimulate the economy.

So I did. I took that money, and as the state of California and the owners/operators of Ebay took witness, I probably single handedly saved this economy. I bought me another arcade machine. It is a mid-90s case, probably with Street Fighter Alpha in there, set up in JAMMA interface.

But, fellow Americans, you must know that this decision was not undertaken on a whim, or lightly. I thought long and hard about how best to benefit this great country of ours. Ought I to buy flat screen monitors to help me increase my productivity? I say thee nay! For such things come from China. How could I help the industry and economy of our society with such a purchase?

But lo, some may say, by buying an arcade machine, I was still helping China. To that I say only one word: Poppycock. This arcade machine was purchased new some decade and a half ago, when our economy was strong. By buying used, and locally, I am helping an honest American merchant by increasing his purchasing power and while benefitting my growing collection of arcade machines.

By gum, sir, this is how a true American operates!

And I am nothing if not a patriotic son of this great nation.