I’ll admit, I am not a big fan of reading comments back on collegiate papers that I’ve turned in for classes(it’s something different with creative writing, I can handle almost any criticism of that…bizzarre). Most of the time I can get through them if I got a B or an A, that makes it much easier to stomach.

It’s been 3 months since I got my paper back for Fairy Tale class from last year at Pacifica. I got a C on that paper. A C in grad school…something dangerously low, almost as bad as a D in undergrad. The only thing is that at Pacifica, there are no bars to graduating if you’ve gotten a C. That made me feel better. after finding that out, I ignored the paper, because I didn’t have the guts to look at it.

That’s right, I’m a coward at heart. And a C at pacifica is possibly one of the worst things that could happen to me there. I just knew I had received it, and knew that it wasn’t going to screw up my graduation schedule, and I put the paper down. I knew that if I looked at it before the papers for both BSU and the fall quarter of 2005 at Pacifica, I would be completely demoralized and end up not finishing those papers.

And a good thing to. I’ve never been so disgusted with myself. I just read through the paper, read the comments, and my ears are burning. I read them all through, and at the end I spoke aloud to myself “I can’t believe you actually turned this in.”

The paper wasn’t bad for an undergrad paper…but I had written it for grad school. and I will freely admit that I am my harshest critic. Nothing anyone says to me usually has any affect…because I’ve said far worse to myself.

My ears are burning, and I feel slightly ill to my stomach. I can face down raging dogs, I can face down violently angry individuals, I can fight in armor in a sword match, and not be afraid.

but for me, courage is standing facing yourself. and it takes quite a while to work that courage up.

why didn’t anyone tell me I had misspelled ‘disclaimer’ in the top description?

oh the shame!

I just finished writing one for a former high school teacher of mine.

It’s tougher than I thought it would be, but it’s about a week late and I’m sending it tomorrow.

I hope it helps.

winXP has been INCREDIBLY slow lately on this laptop. a couple of things here and there that came up during startup that interrupted it and made it have to restart. THis morning it said the system.drv file got funked up, and required to be fixed.

So I put in the setup cd and hit the ‘repair’ option.

And so it deletes a bunch of windows files and restores them.

Unfortunately that includes the my documents folder and a bunch of other stuff, and now I’ve got to re-install pret much everything like security updates, service packs….

man, I hate windows. and I hate linux because I forgot my password, and it won’t let me get in. and it won’t let me change the password through reinstallation, which would mean I’d have to format it just so I can use it again.

And I refuse to use a MAC.

just give me a typewriter, a telegraph, and a postal system. I’m almost fully giving up on this electronic crap.