hard alcohol and I are no longer on speaking terms.

I haven’t had any for quite some time, other than the occasional white russian this summer, but unless you mix up one of those, I’m afraid hard alcohol is not for me. Especially when it is mixed with some form of fruit juice.

A thing to understand: I loves me the orange juice. Apple juice is ok too. Cranberry juice is the devil* and ought to be buried in the deepest pit that man could dig before unleashing the unholy power of the MAGMA. Although I love certain kinds of juice, it invariably gives me heart burn. Bad heart burn. Bad enough that I will not drink juice often, rather on special occasions, and even then only when there is enough of a solid substance(read bread or similar sponge like eatings(not sugar though, that intensifies the heartburn)). Otherwise, the fruit juice is a no go.

Now, the question is what is mixed with the variety of hard alcohol? Especially hard alcohol that is CHEAP and tastes LIKE GASOLINE(karkov vodka…for crying out loud, people, spend the extra $5 and get something that doesn’t put hair on the bottom of your feet)…You mix it with some form of fruit juice. As aformentioned, fruit juice is a no go, hence hard alcohol(ala rum and vodka) is a no go.

Gin, though, is still ok to an extent to be drunk by me. But you only drink Gin if it is GOOD GIN. No tangueray. People who think tangueray is good gin should be drug out into the street and drowned in the stuff. Murderers should also be put down this way. A more horrid “high priced” gin would be difficult to find. Bombay Sapphire all the way. If it is one thing that the brits do right, it is gin. and gin should only be mixed with lime juice and tonic. Nothing else. And definitely not alone.

Anyway, where was I? Hard alcohol, with the exception of Tequila is intolerable in shots. INTOLERABLE. Unless it’s brandy, or scotch, for sipping. And I hate scotch, and I haven’t touched Brandy since the year after I turned 21 when I drank gallons of the stuff. Don’t get me started on Tequila either…that stuff ought to be locked away and only brought out when somebody needs something dangerous done. Put a few shots of tequila in me, and I will take care of that radioactive waste.

Yes, and I’m wrapping this up because hard alcohol is the devil. I hate it. And I’ll tell you the truth: since Northern Liquor quit stocking roughrider or red stripe, guinness is one of the few beers left over that appeals to my pallet. beer is going the way of hard alcohol.

Dammit. I need out of this town with its crappy bars and crappy liquor stores. Read: I need a town where drinking is not the only past time to be involved in.

*cranberry juice is the devil. That stuff is disgusting, it invades other juices(cran-grapefruit among others? this isn’t right or moral), and cranberries are perhaps the most disgusting and insidious fruit that exists. Cranberries are tart, they don’t make good jelly(unlike raspberries…oh do I so love raspberry jelly), they are invading fruit juices that they have no business invading(cran-Iraq anyone?) and taste like the underside of a public toilet in tokyo. Seriously. Cranberries are horrendous. I mean, Damn.

is one of my all time favorite movies, even if it is roughly 4 hours long.